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Tuesday, February 21st, 2006
1:02 am - Help! I need somebody
Oh man its 1 am and I'm being hit with a mental panic attack.

Where am I going?

Aside from a few minor glitches, this weekend has been quite lovely and I'm so glad Colleen had a nice birthday. I love to see her smile.

And what about in a few months. It'll all be over. I'm really scared. Granted I'm ready to move on and to try new things, but what. I'm not ready to plunge blindly into the "real" world. I bit angsty, but I'm going with it. I'm not ready to be on my own and alone, away from some of my best friends I've made over the years. I don't know if I could handle their absence, this time indefinitely. I'm really scared, it seems to the point of paralysis.

Who am I?

Perhaps this was catalyzed by a recent crush, and with that the feelings of not being good enough or measuring up. Truth be told, I feel like I am a sham at times...that people, everyone at one point or another can see right through me. I don't feel smart, or funny, or friendly, or just like an overall good person. I feel like I could do so much more. Even if I accomplished that, I still wouldn't feel it's good enough. I feel like I'm humored or something. Even some of the people I love the most, outside of course family but that's different, I feel like at one point they will throw up their hands and say "see ya". I feel like I don't contribute anything, or have anything worthwhile...there's just a surface exterior that really in the long run isn't all that impressive or interesting. I have nothing that makes me passionate and I feel like that's part of what makes me feel so exposed. I'm just scared that I'm a sham and one day I'll be left completely alone.

Even this whiny complaining stupid post is technically an indicator of how much I think about myself and thus, how selfish I am. I've been wanting to talk to someone, be it a close friend or an objective outsider, simply for advice. I'm a lazy person and therein also contributes to the problem. I could be a much better friend, sister daughter, over all person.I want to be unconditionally and wholly good-hearted like so many others I see.

I can't sleep at the moment. I've been sleeping a lot, but it's often trouble and just a means to avoid other things. How pathetic. If I let this side out more often, I really would have no one. It's ridiculous.

goodnight

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Sunday, January 22nd, 2006
11:32 pm - No Myth
So, she says its time she goes
but wanted to be sure I know
she hopes we can be friends
I think yeah, I guess we can say I
but didn't think to ask her why
she blocked her eyes and drew the curtains
with knots I've got yet to untie
what if I were Romeo in black jeans
what if I was Heathcliff, its no myth
maybe she's just looking for
someone to dance with
See, it was just too soon to tell
and looking for some parallel
can be an endless game
We said goodbye before hello
my secrets she will never know
and if I dig a hole to China
I'll catch the first junk to Soho
what if I were Romeo in black jeans
what if I was Heathcliff, it's no myth
maybe she's just looking for
someone to dance with
Sometime from now you'll bow to pressure
some things in life you cannot measure by degrees
I'm between the poles and the equator
don't send no private investigator to find me please
'less he speaks Chinese
and can dance like Astaire overseas
what if I were Romeo in black jeans
what if I was Heathcliff, it's no myth
maybe she's just looking for
someone to dance with

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Wednesday, January 4th, 2006
2:20 am - I believe, I believe, I believe
I've listened to this song at least ten times today.

"I Believe in a Thing Called Love" by The Darkness

Can't explain all the feelings that you're making me feel
My heart's in overdrive and you're behind the steering wheel

Touching you, touching me
touching you, god you're touching me

I believe in a thing called love
Just listen to the rhythm of my heart
There's a chance we could make it now
We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down
I believe in a thing called love
Ooh!

I wanna kiss you every minute, every hour, every day
You got me in a spin but everythin' is A.OK!

Touching you, touching me
touching you, god you're touching me

I believe in a thing called love
Just listen to the rhythm of my heart
There's a chance we could make it now
We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down
I believe in a thing called love
Ooh! Guitar!

Touching you, touching me
touching you, god you're touching me

I believe in a thing called love
Just listen to the rhythm of my heart
There's a chance we could make it now
We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down
I believe in a thing called love
Ooh!


Oh Guitar indeed!
I feel like this is a pick me up song.

http://www.artistdirect.com/nad/window/media/player/0,,2714708,00.html

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Sunday, December 25th, 2005
1:35 am - Soul Searching
T'was the early hours of Christmas/ Hannakah and all through the house the only sound heard was the click of a mouse...and keyboard.

I have so much on my mind.

I'll articulate it tomorrow.

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Monday, December 12th, 2005
12:33 am
I guess this is a critique and complaint session. I'm not really sure. I'm also tired again, so naturally I'm thinking things that in the morning, will seem inconsequential and retarded.

Well I guess a few things, I'm kind of surprised at myself for.

I guess the first is being somewhat envious of people who are worse off than me. For instance, drunk hook-ups run rampant on this campus. I wind up feeling inadequate because I don't have any drunk hook-up stories. I don't have any sexcapades so to speak of.

The one guy I am seeing. Well no one takes an interest in really hearing about. Well nothing beyond that superficial surface "what's he like" stuff. That's cool. I suppose no one wants to hear about me bumpin' uglies or lack there of. I have someone from home (besides my friends) who, despite all many reasons working against him, I like and miss. At SMC I don't have a guy torturing or fucking with me. For all rights and purposes, I'm probably the asshole in the situation.

Regardless, I look at the situations people have unfolding...and for however stupid or detrimental they may be, I can't help but feel inadequate, weird, unattractive. I attribute the last one to living with a girl who is liable to have another eating disorder and a fucked up perception of beauty, attractiveness and relationships in general. Regardless, the inadequacy is still there. Weird? I think so. It's weird typing about it. I have no reasons to feel this way. I'm seeing a guy who for some reason finds me sexy, even though I give him blue balls. Guys downtown check me out, even the non-sketchy ones. Some days, I hold quite a high opinion of myself and others...well its quite low. I hate this feeling of having to be validated through others, especially people who seem drunk and at some points more unhappy and regretful then myself. It's quite dumb, but nevertheless quite infectious. Like my ring tone. Talk about reverse taboos. I feel bad for not having unprotected sex and puking. That's just not who I am.

If i bring up something sexual...people are either grossed out or think I'm a whore. If I bring up my lack of libido I seem stale. Should I be sorry for never having to make an emergency trip to planned parenthood...hell no.


New note, I've felt like a very bitchy person these days. I'm almost assuming the femini-nazi hardcore bitch role....ruthlessly squishing out anyone who disagrees or gives into human impulses (to put as euphemistically as possible).

I feel like a bad friend sometimes. Lazy, critical yadda yadda. I don't know.

I lost track.

There's a soft snow falling outside tonight. It's 1:38 A.M.

Good night

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Sunday, October 9th, 2005
8:20 pm
Well, I guess it goes without saying that adventures almost always entail adversity, in the barest and most realistic sense. I am proud of you, and your determination. It's a quality that's never in short supply with you. Keep your chin up (metaphorically speaking, because you're already a head taller than most of the people around you, don't add a chin to that) smile and take each passing day with a light and eager stride.

Columbus day weekend is in effect at this very moment. I drove back from visiting Rose at Brandeis. It was a good time. I'll tell you more about it in an email.

I love you Goober!

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Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005
11:43 am - In my opinion, you weren't half bad
I have a lot of good and perhaps not so good things to summarize in this post.

South Carolina was a lot of fun. It was gorgeous and adventurous, I had a lovely partner in crime (ie Allison)

Over the vacation my mother was overbearing and upset with me and lectured me about being a lousy, selfish, slutty daughter.

Bad summary.

Things on my mind.

I want to go back to school, but I'm dreading the fact that Colleen will not be there for an entire semester. I think of her everyday. I'm sending her a letter tomorrow and have plans to call.

I haven't been sleeping well since my discussion with my mother.

(631) 734 4019

carrots, bird, goober, love.

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Thursday, July 7th, 2005
1:57 am - Bird
I remember you in that yellow skirt, shining brighter then sunshine.

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Wednesday, July 6th, 2005
7:05 pm
I hate being treated like I'm fifteen all over again. It was awkward enough the first go around.
Madonna Whore.

I guess thats the strongest impression I radiate.
My parents get the distinct impression that because I'm am a flowering adult that there is no real flower-quality about me, nothing pure or pristine. I'm not to be trusted. I have inherently bad judgment and the reigns must be tightened.

To others, particularly my peers, I give off the innocent impression. Which in turn becomes a character flaw. I have not experimented to with drugs and I really don't drink often. There has to be something off. I could give two shits either way. Drugs don't interest me, they never have yet and if they do I will probably try them. Drinking is alright once in awhile. It is usually quite boring. I'd rather be out bike riding or doing something instead of sitting around. For the most part, I like to be active. This doesn't made me a saint. I am hardly a saint or a sinner for that matter. I simply me. There are some who seem more jaded and corrupt and others, who when juxtaposed to me, seem like Mother Theresa.

MOrality is not all subject. Look at it in terms of black, white and grey spectrum. The grey area of morality is the largest but also the most subjective. Even seemingly black and white moral issues have annoying but noteworthy loopholes. Whatever the point is I both labels are confining and horribly inaccurate. I've done arguably shitty things, I have bad habits and my personal hygiene is sometimes subpar. I;ve also done some good, noteworthy and arguably admirable things. I'm just living day-to-day, fucking up sometimes, sublime others but, for the most part, trying to make the best of the of the daily motions.

This really shouldn't be an issue.

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Saturday, June 4th, 2005
1:27 am - Two choices: Castration or a One-Way Ticket to New York.
Tonight was great after a long and tiring week. As I left work this afternoon I didn't think I'd have any evening plans aside from the usual. Then I talked to my Mom who said my Dad was going to an Irish Festival in Patchogue and that Black 47 was playing.

Sidenote about Black 47...They are a Celtic semi-punk/ traditional/ folk band whose name is derived from the worst year of the potato famine in Ireland. They're a punch of middle aged men posing as members of a band but are really just a bunch of fun-loving alcoholics. They draw a small but steady and strong crowd...usually drunken Irish people. It's glorious. I love it. Their music is somewhat diverse...I love when they play a real foot stomper and with someone like Crazy Sarah doing Irish step-dancing. It was raining all night by the water with the lights of Carnival lights going out one by one. Drunks dancing in the rain...hollering for more, middle-aged men and women dancing about....the band members smiling...trucks with beer taps on the side fun was a-brewing. A glorious evening...I didn't have on any shoes. I danced with Rose and Emily hardcore. My legs will hurt on my double shift.

Tonight was wonderful. I'd live in the here and now for all time. Sweet dreams.

Thinking about you whenver I'm sober, which isn't too often I have to confess.

I kid!
Lyrics.

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Thursday, May 26th, 2005
11:40 pm - Pirates
So two days in a row I wound up watching "Pirates of the Carribean" and I must say it is an enjoyable film. Now one thing that I found very curious was the expression he went down to "Davy Jones' locker" and I wanted to know what the origin of that phrase was...as did Allison and a few others. I immediatly thought of The Monkees but I suspect it means more. Here's what I found:

What is the origin of the phrase "Davy Jones' Locker"?
Lost at Sea


Dear Lost:
We knew that sailors used the phrase to refer to the bottom of the ocean, but we had no clue as to its origin. After entering the phrase "Davy Jones' Locker" in the Yahoo! search bar, we discovered several possibilities:
Michael Quinion's excellent World Wide Words site offers a great quote from Tobias Smollet's The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle (1751): "This same Davy Jones, according to the mythology of sailors, is the fiend that presides over all the evil spirits of the deep...."

One legend suggests that a particularly fiendish pub owner named David Jones used to incapacitate hapless drinkers in his ale locker, and send them off aboard ships. Sounds like a handy way of disposing of your enemies.

Brewer¿s Dictionary of Phrase and Fable offers an interesting linguistic take on the issue: Davy is a bastardization of Duffy, the West Indian term for ghost. Jones comes from Jonah, the prophet who spent a few uncomfortable days lodged in the GI tract of a whale. And a locker, loosely defined, is a place to store valuable things. So the phrase "He's gone to Davy Jones' locker" (i.e., he cashed it in) loosely translates as "He's safe with Duffy Jonah now."

A random Navy Trivia page we stumbled across has some entertaining guesses: Duffer Jones was a notoriously myopic sailor who often found himself overboard. Davy could also come from the horned one himself, the Devil. The shortest sailor on board usually impersonates him during the the Crossing of the Line, a bizarre naval cross-dressing ceremony. The less said, the better.

And finally, we were happy to read that Cool Word of the Day denies a link between the phrase and Davy Jones of the Monkees. They also suggest that Davy comes from St. David, a patron saint of Welsh sailors, and reiterate the Jones/Jonah connection. That sounds reasonable enough to us.


I miss COLLEEN! French fries. Wolves. Moon. Kindred. Spirits.

That is all.

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Wednesday, May 25th, 2005
11:28 pm - 2+2= 5
So what have I been up to lately....

Well I've been home from school and adjusting as I go...usually with some very bumpy points.

Allison came to visit and it was a lovely lowkey time. We went bike riding and ate at the Modern Snackbar...and most people might say that combining peanut butter and coconut is a bad idea...boy are they wrong!


I finished 1984. The novel itself is divided into three books. My impression of the first was oddly inspiring. The second was a warped love story and the third was depressing but disturbingly accurate and to an extent realistic.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows" (81, Orwell). I hate to sound cliche but there's a lot of freedoms we take for granted. I'm talking very basic ones that we don't use. For instance, the freedom to apply and act.

The thought process goes. Freedom of thought and recognition of this freedom of thought. This often coincides with freedom of speech because it is a shared thought. However the freedom to apply and act on thoughts and knowledge. Now there's the kicker.


This kind of freedom (to act freely) seems simple enough. In reality, its poorl practiced, daunting and even, to an extent, terrifying. I guess I'm trying to get to this phase. Well...on a consistent basis.

I went to a memorial for soldiers in the war in Iraq. It was sad...most of the soldiers displayed were in their twenties and thirties. Although with the amount displayed its hard to do individual homage....overall the turn out was very small and depressing from what I saw.

I forgot to donate blood.

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Tuesday, May 17th, 2005
10:07 pm - Blah
I hate the transition from college to home. It's very isolating...I become paralyzed and can't do anything until I have someone I can contact.

I hate it, the feeling.

I think Rose pointed it out best that I get upset when I can make every moment this spectacular, memorable and cherishable moment. It's very frustrating. I feel inert and that I'm waiting passively for some catalyst to activate me. I wish I could have someone to give me hugs and play games with. I want a bunch of people.

I hate being left alone with myself. That's when the feeling really sets on. I'm not good at doing things on my own. Sitting here, in this basement with little light or fluorescent lights. It's depressing. I'm depressing. The best remedy at this point is sleep or crying. Sheesh.

Hopefully this is an adjustment period. It's sad that I actually crave a routine.

It's not even the first week back. I'm floundering. I know some people understand.

I don't just want to go to Applebees. I don't just want to watch movies. I want to be out and about. Moving. Living. Not passively existing. I don't know what to do.

Get a hobby....

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Sunday, May 15th, 2005
11:36 pm - For a smile they can share the night
I'm at home. I MISS MY GLORIOUS BIRD! I really do. She has pulled my through thick and thin and made the good times extra creamy and delicious. She brings out the best in me and takes me for what I am. I miss her so. She helped patch a wall...run through the rain....adventures in the woods, Burlington....Tea....dancing....anne of greengables....what beautiful memories with a beautiful girl. Leaving gorgeous footprints day after day. I can not wait to see her.

I'm so glad I get to see Rose...I've missed her. We have a picnic planned tomorrow. I'm excited...maybe we can play frisbee too!

Allison is hopefully coming this weekend!

I got a very sweet email from Neil!


I still can't stop listening to Journey's "Don't Stop Believing".

Just a small town girl living in a lonely world
She took the midnight train going anywhere
Just a city boy born and raised in south Detroit
He took the midnight train going anywhere

A singer in a smoky room
A smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night
It goes on and on and on and on

Strangers, waiting, up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlight people, living just to find emotion
Hiding somewhere in the night

Working hard to get my fill
Everybody wants a thrill
Paying anything to roll the dice
Just one more time

Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on

Don't stop believing
Hold on to that feeling
Streetlight people


yeah i put all the lyrics in there

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Sunday, April 17th, 2005
6:56 pm - stench
I've seen "Sin City" two times now and what an awesome movie it is! Marv is my favorite character. Elijah Wood is creepy. Bruce Willis is badass. JOsh Harnett...superfluous.

Incredibly violent and yet sensored through the predominantly black and white color scheme.

Colleen is awesome.

I'm done with the last two years of my life. I'm tired of trying. Especially when there is no return. I'm tired of feeling sick from it and not even worth a damn walk of fifty feet down the hall. I refuse to be expendable. I refuse to let something that has become so worthless and facilated indifference make me so upset. I'm done with it. Those two years are becoming a nauseating stench.

It's a shame because part of it requires a break from improv. And I was damn proud of my performance on Friday. I did a good job brought my brick. Now I have to let it lay for a bit...perhaps indefinitely. It's a shame. I finally didn't spit all over the place from laughing.

I can not wait for summer to start. It's my start. I will miss the few good things and definitely keep in touch over the summer. The bullshit chapter here is closing.

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Monday, April 11th, 2005
9:01 pm - My inner being is a dog
So the past few days but also have not been eventful. Over the weekend I saw the final showing of "Into the Woods" which is an enjoyable but LONG show! The cast put in a lot of effort and it was plainly obvious that it paid off.

Saturday I saw the free show here on saint michael's campus. The show featured "The Yarbles" "Video Pigeon" and "Codetta". I enjoyed "The Yarbles" best of all...their music echoed that of "The Clash". I think i sprained a muscle in my neck while head banging. I talked to Eric something from Codetta who was nice and, lookwise, reminded me of the lead singer from Weezer.


On Saturday I also juggled the soccer ball. I felt like a dog who can entertain itself with a simple object- in this case it was a soccer ball. I'd juggle it, lose control chase after it. Juggle again in the other direction, lose control and chase after it. I did that for a half hour and proceeded to collapse in the field and take a half hour nap, all curled up. How simple! I am a puppy at heart.

Sunday I ran Elbow Sex with the help of one Carl Lawrence. I missed Colleen this weekend. She's generally my better half...damnit let's make it official and date! Huzzah! I ran a decent show. Carl was a huge help and we had a lot of requests with minimal blunders.

I gave Professor MacDonald, whom I adore, "Harold and Maude". I'm so glad he enjoyed it. He has excellent taste in movies so it was going against a seasoned critic.

I played soccer today. Even though we lost it was still good fun and a good effort was made all things considered.

Tonight I have to start another paper about "strange beauty" particularly related to Edgar Allen Poe's short story "Ligeia". I am seriously lookign forward to the challenge since I enjoyed the story once I sat down to read it.


Allen Briggs got me a Milwaukee poster. What a great guy. I wish he could be cloned and packaged. Haha. sounds creepy but its true.

I'm getting better though I'm still not fully myself. I disappointed myself with drinking to escape problems. That was dumb. I will do much better once I can get out of here.

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Saturday, April 9th, 2005
1:50 am - low places
I'm pulling an Ernest Hemmingway as we speak.
Hate is baggage but I can't help but feel it sometimes.
I hate fake people, I hate when I become one.
I feel groundless.
Existential angst is the prefered nomenclature.
The last two days I've had vivid dreams,

The first and more important...

I dreamed of Grandpa Bob. This is the first dream I've had of him that hasn't been neutral to a nightmare. I dreamed that he was back and he said he snuck back into his bed, in my house that was beige with cream-colored leaves and reaked of cigarettes. The sunlight streaming in over the cherry-wood furniture. He said he missed me and said I gave the best back rubs ever. He smiled at me. First dream he said he missed and loved me...well I don't remember now if that was said but that's what I felt. He sounded like he missed home, and it made me miss him. I remember the touch of his hand squeezing mine. I wasted so much time that I could have spent talking to him...inebriated or not. He told some good stories. I just loved to hear him speak. Feel the hump on his back as I scratched up his crooked spine. I miss seeing his blue-ish green eyes with patches of grey and his tar-stained nails...avidly watching Billy O'Reilly late and night and drinking Johhny Begg or something comparable. I miss him. I know he loved me. I loved him. He made me smile nearly all the time. Towards the end I wasn't there for him like I should have been. Those wet kisses on the lips. The stink of booze. The warmth in his hug...i wish he could be here to rub my back and just talk to me. He was always up when I needed to talk.


I was inebriated earlier. It's not respectable inebriation...if there is such a thing. I didn't drink because I felt like it but to numb myself to my surroundings which I feel more estranged from each passing day. I wish I could have a new start...but i suppose I can't forget things here...no matter where I go I'll still be fucked up in the head.

Here is a mantra

I am replacable
I am not special
I am replacable
I am boring
I am not worth the time
I am not worth a rose
I am replaceable
I am replaceable
I am replaceable

This is the wounded ego mantra.
I miss my friends.
This is lame.
The earlier story was way better.
I want this to stop.

I went for a walk at one in the morning. I would have gone into the woods but it probably wasn't the best idea going alone. I want to go to bed now, I suck at life at this very moment. Tomorrow is fresh with no mistakes in it...well with not mistakes in it yet...

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Friday, April 8th, 2005
5:27 pm - William Schatner
JSwim224: so whats the story about this dog?
SKiTz0GiRL: well
SKiTz0GiRL: this adorable, mush-face bernese mountain dog is meandering along after saving timmy from a burning barn apparently
SKiTz0GiRL: smells grilled cheese
SKiTz0GiRL: knowing it could be nothing other than cocaine
SKiTz0GiRL: he jumps through the window of the house
SKiTz0GiRL: is attacked by five ninjas!
JSwim224: Woah!
SKiTz0GiRL: and kills them all!
JSwim224: ninja
JSwim224: s
JSwim224: =-O
SKiTz0GiRL: rips out thei rhearts
JSwim224: impossible
JSwim224: ninjas cant be killed
SKiTz0GiRL: not with this crime fighting pooch
SKiTz0GiRL: not by humans
JSwim224: oh
JSwim224: I stand corrected
SKiTz0GiRL: exactly
SKiTz0GiRL: so it rips out the hearts of five ninjas
SKiTz0GiRL: and then the drug dealer
SKiTz0GiRL: who turns out to be william schatner
SKiTz0GiRL: attacks the poor pooch
JSwim224: woah
JSwim224: awesome story
JSwim224: I like it
SKiTz0GiRL: didnt finish
SKiTz0GiRL: the dog rips through his biomechanical suit
SKiTz0GiRL: to find an alien
SKiTz0GiRL: ans uses telekinesis
SKiTz0GiRL: and the aliens burts into confetti
JSwim224: ook
JSwim224: you have been holding back on me
JSwim224: You never told me a story with ninjas and aliens before
JSwim224: Amazing
JSwim224: Thank you
JSwim224: i can now live in peace

And now the cliffnotes version

JSwim224: I heard a fantastic story
SKiTz0GiRL: wow
SKiTz0GiRL: tell me about it
SKiTz0GiRL: ;-)
JSwim224: ugh
JSwim224: Ok
JSwim224: dog
JSwim224: kiled ninjas
JSwim224: William
JSwim224: ect ect
JSwim224: aliens
JSwim224: confetti
SKiTz0GiRL: hooray!

There you go.
William f-in Schatner

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Wednesday, April 6th, 2005
1:26 am
I play frisbee today and it was a lot of fun. The teams were horribly mis-

matched. I felt bad, I was teamed with two guys one of whom is a brute.

My new act of making the world a more beautiful and curious play: poetic

graffiti. I'm going to think of quotes and graffiti them all around Vermont.

I'm listening to Journey.

I handed in my Kurt Vonnegut paper on SlaughterHouse-Five. Wow what a relief on the most obvious

level. Reading the book a few times and unlocking all of its little, beautiful

mysteries has been incredibly fulfilling and I hate to see it go. I feel like

I missed so much of it still. The paper was easily over 27 pages. It is one

piece of writing that I am proud to say is mine.


Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body.

Music is essentially useless, as life is: but both have an ideal extension which lends utility to its conditions.
George Santayana (1863 - 1952), Life of Reason (1905) vol. 4, ch. 4

"Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion . . . . I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward."
Kurt Vonnegut




An Animated Cartoon Theology:

People are animals.
The body is mortal and subject to incredible pain.
Life is antagonistic to the living.
The flesh can be sawed, crushed, frozen, stretched, burned, bombed, and plucked for music.
The dumb are abused by the smart and the smart destroyed by their own cunning.
The small are tortured by the large and the large destroyed by their own momentum.
We are able to walk on air, but only as long as our illusion supports us.


enjoy some and add more insights, humor etc.

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Monday, April 4th, 2005
9:15 pm - Captain Clutch
SKiTz0GiRL: i have my girlfriends who i wouldn't trade
MaNiAcM51B:
SKiTz0GiRL: colleen makes me smile more than anyone here
SKiTz0GiRL: you make me smile
SKiTz0GiRL: rose and jen do
MaNiAcM51B: you deserve to smile
MaNiAcM51B: and are pretty when yo udo so
SKiTz0GiRL: i agree
SKiTz0GiRL: you make me smile
SKiTz0GiRL: you're gorgeous
SKiTz0GiRL: oh if i were a man
MaNiAcM51B:
SKiTz0GiRL: the things i would do!
MaNiAcM51B: oh if you were a man
MaNiAcM51B: lol
MaNiAcM51B: the things i would od
SKiTz0GiRL: i think i'd be a hot man
SKiTz0GiRL: i think i'd be reasonably endowed
SKiTz0GiRL: haha
SKiTz0GiRL: i can get butch quick
SKiTz0GiRL: i have a nice smile
SKiTz0GiRL: big brown eyes!
SKiTz0GiRL: i'd just be a hairy beast
MaNiAcM51B: lololol
MaNiAcM51B: eh
SKiTz0GiRL: but i'd be good in the sack!
SKiTz0GiRL: with an artistic sensitive side
MaNiAcM51B: lol
SKiTz0GiRL: average athleticism
MaNiAcM51B: word
SKiTz0GiRL: im looking too much into this
MaNiAcM51B: you better turn into a man soon
SKiTz0GiRL: haha
SKiTz0GiRL: seriously
SKiTz0GiRL: i know so many hot girls
MaNiAcM51B: lol
SKiTz0GiRL: i have fun hats
MaNiAcM51B: yes you do!
SKiTz0GiRL: oh man
SKiTz0GiRL: i'd be so clutch
MaNiAcM51B: lol
MaNiAcM51B: CAPTAINCLUTCH
SKiTz0GiRL: haha
SKiTz0GiRL: thanks!
MaNiAcM51B: i think i may be getting a crush on him
MaNiAcM51B: but i don't want to
SKiTz0GiRL: oh
SKiTz0GiRL: are you sure
SKiTz0GiRL: im good in the sack
MaNiAcM51B: eh, i'm not sure
SKiTz0GiRL: haha
MaNiAcM51B: i think it may just be because i can tell he's interested in me
SKiTz0GiRL: which guy
SKiTz0GiRL: me
SKiTz0GiRL: ?
MaNiAcM51B: lol
MaNiAcM51B: of course you, but captain clutch
SKiTz0GiRL: sweet!
SKiTz0GiRL: i'd make a swell man
SKiTz0GiRL: its decided
SKiTz0GiRL: im getting a sex change
MaNiAcM51B: lol
MaNiAcM51B: nice
MaNiAcM51B: make sure it's at least 6 and a half inches
MaNiAcM51B: and that it plumps when you cook it
SKiTz0GiRL: hahahahah
SKiTz0GiRL: what is it hebrew national?
MaNiAcM51B: lol, only if your converting
SKiTz0GiRL: why not
SKiTz0GiRL: if im getting a sex change
SKiTz0GiRL: through in some judaism
MaNiAcM51B: lol
MaNiAcM51B: agreed OY!
SKiTz0GiRL: id be kosher!

What a man I'd be.

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